Monday, May 27, 2013

Rose Kennedy:Wounds






Wounds





I don't generally like a lot of "saying's".
Because, it is someone else's thoughts,
or quotes.
But when I came across this one,
it really has hit home with me.


Today is Memorial Day.
2013
And over the weekend, I heard many of the same things I hear every year.
"Time to get this summer started,"
"It's the beginning of Summer,"
"Time to party."
"We are all headed to the Lake,"
"It's family time."
"Kick back and relax."

Of course, I will hear some reference to 
"the troops", and those who fought for
"our freedom."
As I should.

I will see more flowers out in the 
cemeteries.
Memorials in the paper for 
loved ones.

But anymore, it seems all about,
"getting the summer started"
"having fun".

For me today,
it's just the opposite.
I came across the above picture again today,
and I am reminded,
not that I ever forget,
that I do carry a huge wound.

Some days, I am sure that it is 
very visible to others.
And some days,
maybe I hide it more than other days.
Whichever, it is there.

However, the above statement is true.
After three long and tortuous years, 
I have developed some scar tissue to "protect"
my sanity.
I know Rex has done this also.
Probably as unconsciously as I have.

I continuously look at "my family" as whole.
And I know, we will never be 
the same.
As a family unit,
we have a "wound".
We very seldom talk about the "wound".
It's just there,
you feel it and it never leaves you.

I am not saying we don't talk
about Waylon, we do.
But the pain is still to intense.
We try to keep it positive,
remembering only the funny and humorous 
stories.


Waylon's Birthday is coming up.
He would be 23.

I constantly think about what he would be doing,
where he would be living.
His job, dreams, and life.

I am constantly reminded of Waylon.
And I feel him with me often.

So, today, my wound hurts deeper,
the scar tissue is stretched thin,
my arms ache to hold him,
and my "sanity" is weaker.


Missing my son.
Waylon Michael Martensen
06-21-1990 - 05-07-2010.


Sunday, May 5, 2013

The Funeral May 11, 2010 Part 2



Waylon


Graduation CHS 2008


Senior Class
2008
Project Graduation
A Tradition

Fit for 2009 XC Season


A Fleeting moment in
Time




Best Friends...

and more
best friends...



relaxin.


Justin and Waylon



The NW Team

 On the Drums...

CHS Track


Waylon with Spirit.


Always so proud of our son.
2008


I started this blog awhile back.
And I couldn't finish it.
It's been the hardest blog to do.

So,
May 7th, 2013
is two days away..
I thought I'd try again.

Maybe some things,
you neither start
nor finish.

If I could figure out how to open this blog up,
to all of you,
I would.
So you could help me . 


One of my favorite pictures of Waylon.
He was so excited about college.


Waylon's Wreath
2013
"His spot."



The Funeral
May 11th, 2010


The day finally came...
I wasn't ready,
I mean...
Of all the days I planned to
have for my children..
this was not that day...


I remember walking in to a packed gym..
so many had come to say
"goodbye".
Family and Friends
so patiently waiting for the
start of the service.

It was quiet..
so quiet.
Through out the service
I never heard a child cry out,
a cough made,
a shuffle of a shoe...



We walked in,
to take our seats.
To have our last hours
with Waylon.

They left his casket open,
through the service.


Rex and Wyatt started the service with
"The Dance".

I still don't know how they managed to sing...
but they did...
and it was beautiful.

The funeral services were held in the
gym of
California High School.
The same gym that just 2 years earlier,
Waylon had graduated from...
the gym he gave his speech in as class president...
of the class of 2008..
A big accomplishment,




The same gym he performed band and drum line routines in during the countless games and pep rallies,
the same gym that he supported his friends in,
through the many games and events that a high school student
partakes of..
Yes, the same gym and high school that meant so much to him
for so many different reasons...
the school that helped shape him into the person he was...
and now...
here he was.

One last time,
in the same gym.

I tried to take notes,
as Bother Greg gave the service.
I know he commented on the number of people who
came to see you the day before.
"What a tribute it was to you."

He read your obituary.

at 3:10 p.m. 
I have noted that your Dad and brother sang 
"The Dance."

We played 
"Still small Voice"
and 
"Praise you in this Storm".

Brother Greg read
Thoughts from family and friends..
I remember people laughed,
and
cried.

He talked about your Faith.
and how
your faith Waylon,
sustains you through eternal
life.

Greg talked about Waylon,
what he loved and stood for.
That  he 
 loved to laugh, and be around people,
he loved to be outdoors,
and he loved to run.
And what I know to be so true,
is how you put others first.
You had a heart of gold.

Greg talked about the movie,
"Chariots of Fire".
Which I have watched since the funeral.

Greg made a reference, from the movie,
 about Eric Little, an Olympian
runner, who stated he could feel God's pleasure when he runs.  
I believe Waylon could feel that same pleasure.

Greg also talked about the beginning and end to every race.
Some are very short as we know, while others long, like a marathon.

I am going to type from Greg's notes here,
because he really helped me to understand.

"We understand when someone's life ends after the marathon of many years.  But it is difficult to comprehend the "Sprint".
We expected to be like those great clouds of witnesses that Hebrews spoke of; watching Waylon run his race of life for many years.  But when the marathon we had expected, turned into a "Sprint"....a life much shorter than any imagined....well, let me share with you, there are some questions that remain unanswered, sometimes for years, and sometimes until we go home to meet the Lord after our race is complete."

As Hebrews 12 says, there is a "race marked out for us".  Like the runner, each of us in life must know that our race has a beginning and it will have an end.
Waylon knew this.....
he just did not know that his life would be a 
"Sprint",
rather than a marathon.

Hebrews
"Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."   
 
 2ns Timothy
"I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

Greg also made reference to Billy Graham's newphew who had died at an early age.
And like we have with Waylon.......they struggled with the reasoning and logic behind such a death, in a young man's life that only showed promise and potential.
It was Ruth Graham that came up with the best answer for them,
"Sandy's life was not cut short.  Sandy's life was completed."

Rex at some point whispered this to me,
"Waylon's life was completed."

4:20 P.M.

in my notes I have written,

"They opened the doors to carry you out,
as soon as you neared the doors,
I felt you blow by."

4:50 P.M.

"You're headed down the road,
leading the way."   


Wyatt at some point made this statement.
It's is the last statement on that page,

"When he went away to college,
I missed him."
 
 
 


           
 
  




Thursday, March 7, 2013

Truly Broken



Waylon




I'll never get over losing you

I'll never stop loving you

My heart...

will never beat the same.

My life...

will never be the same,

without you.

I am

truly

broken.

Love you Always

and

Forever...

Mom.





I know I shouldn't feel this way
but

I do.

I get angry, mad, upset....

utterly livid

desperate

oh, so desperate,

 and  hurt

I am still devastated, crushed and broken.



It's nearly spring time again.

Prom, running, graduations,

new beginnings,

a new job,

chances abounding

and

the signs of new life.



The joys of planning for summer and a family get together,

maybe a road trip with friends.  Always in the 

plans.....

The windows down, cranking up

 the sounds of new music playing,

the promise of happier times...

the promise of fun and laughter,

the promise of life.


Unless, of course,

you are gone..

Gone forever from our hold.

Taken from us..


I know...

I know....

I know where you 

were called to go....

But..

I still can't let you go,

you will forever be with me,

with us.

Your family and your friends.

We miss you.

Everyday.


Forgive me,

I just can't let you go.

Even as I know,

where it is you go...


Ephesians 1: 13-14

In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth,
the gospel of your
Salvation;
in whom also,
having believed,
you were sealed with the Holy Spirit
of promise,
who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the 
redemption of the purchased possession,
to the praise of
His glory.

Ephesians 2-1

And you,

He made alive!

Alive!









Thursday, February 7, 2013

MY HEART WILL GO ON. PERFORMED BY WAYLON MARTENSEN 1997

 
 
TITANIC
 
1997
 
AN EPIC ROMANTIC
 
DISASTER FILM.

WAYLON LOVED TITANIC.
I MUST HAVE TAKEN HIM TO SEE THE
MOVIE 5 TIMES ON BIG SCREEN.
HE ALSO LOVED THE MUSIC.

DURING CHRISTMAS BREAK
1997
I RECORDED HIM SINGING,
THE SONG

"MY HEART WILL GO ON".


THE FIRST RECORDING,
I RAN OUT OF TAPE...
THE
SECOND RECORDING, HE WASN'T
FEELING WELL.

I THOUGHT I HAD RECORDED HIM AGAIN...
AND HAVE YET TO RUN ACROSS ANOTHER
RECORDING....

AS YOU LISTEN...
DON'T BE CRITICAL OF WAYLON'S
OBVIOUS SINGING ABILITITES!

YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU LISTEN....

BUT

JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LISTEN
TO HIS HEART....

AT SUCH AN EARLIER AGE..
HE WAS VERY COMPASSIONATE..
TENDER-HEARTED,
AND SHOWED
EMPATHY TOWARDS OTHERS...

IF OTHERS WERE HURTING,
OR HAD A PROBLEM..
WAYLON WAS THEIR FRIEND,

THAT WAS
WAYLON.

THAT IS WHO HE WAS.