Everyday Triggers

Triggers are everywhere.

You see, Waylon wasn't just and an ordinary Kid.

He was "extraordinary".

His coach from NWMSU stated,

"He was a huge part of the team personality-wise,

There are some kids who are so full of fun and just really enjoying every moment,

and he was that kind of kid.

Everybody knew him,

everybody enjoyed him,"

Head Coach Scott Lorek.

I still read that letter.

It was a news release.  I have it in "Waylon's Book".

The part that catches my eye is this.

Head Coach Lorek said, "Martensen had not been traveling with the "Track Team", which is scheduled to compete this weekend.....

because of a shin injury..."

Lorek said, Martensen remained an integral part of the team,

and had begun training for the cross country season this fall." 2010.

I still question...

still look for answers.

Why?

I wish so much Waylon,

you would have been with "your team".

That you would have still traveled with them..

not come home for the weekend..

It was hard to go back to work in Columbia, Mo.

All I saw was you.

To work and after work,

I would see runners..

I would see you.

And cry..

they were everywhere.

Triggers.

Triggers and cues act as reminders of the trauma, and can cause anxiety and other associated emotions....

attribution of meaning, and containment of post-traumatic fear in the wake of death.

A trigger (trauma trigger) is a reminder of a traumatic event, although the trigger itself need not be frightening or traumatic.

Triggers can be quite diverse, appearing in the form of individual people, (friends), places, noises, images, smells, tastes, emotions, animals, films, scenes within films, dates of the year, tones of voice, body positions, time factors and bodily sensations.

They can be subtle and difficult to anticipate, and can sometimes exacerbate post-traumatic stress disorder, a condition in which trauma survivors cannot control the recurrence of emotional or physical symptoms, or of repressed memory.

For me,

the triggers were every where.

The first year,

I saw and felt you

everywhere.

A song, (I would even go out and buy a "Waylon CD", just so I could listen to a song over and over again, that I knew you liked)

  a movie your liked,

a runner,

a pair of "saucony"

running shoes.

The Office,

a Nisson Exterra

"cheesecake",

a friend of yours,

McDonald's drive through,

your clothes,

the smell of your clothes,

(yes, I smelled them, I tried to hang on to that for as long as I could...I knew someday....I would lose that.)

"your room"

the Buckle store,

(your Buckle card with your size and the jeans you liked,

Which I still carry.)

A picture,

a word,

church,

the school...

a Track...

everything....all I had to do was open my eyes in the morning...

and it started...

The green wrist bands we all wear.

The t-shirts...

Somehow, I guess over time....

the triggers are more bearable.

They are still there.

Triggers will always be there.

But now, I almost find myself looking for

"new Waylon triggers".

Like new clues I maybe didn't see before...

new pictures...

new songs I know you would like..

a new movie..

It's always going to be this way..

Because you were just that kind of kid Waylon..

and like your friend David Franz stated,

"You really are everywhere!"

David Franz.  Runner.  Friend. Teammate.

2012.

"He runs with Angels".  Forever imprinted.

Two years gone...

and never forgotten.

Thank you for your continued inspiration,

my friend.

Thank you God,

for those painful triggers...

may they always keep coming at us...

Endure the Race.