Blessed Be Your Name

Waylon Michael Martensen
1990-2010
Forever Missed

Blessed Be Your Name

April, Tuesday, 17th, 2012. I am driving down the road and decided to put on a CD that I really had not listened to for, well lets use the term, "before the accident" or pre-accident. I mean, if I am going to be honest here, which I am, that is how it is for us, and I am sure for thousands of you out there. Life is now measured in terms of, pre-accident, or post-accident. That's just how it is. Everything changes.

Everything.

Blessed Be Your Name, Newsboys. A Christian group I listened to, pre-accident. You see, for the longest time, I have been in depression, (and I'm not saying I am free from it, I'm not) and, I'm sure you don't have to ask why! But, music that I listened to before, well......sometimes made me mad.  It make me think to much, it made me search for reasoning.  Search for Answers, to unanswered questions.

  The term "A melody is like a Memory."  You have no idea how true this is.....It almost becomes a curse to hear a song, a tune, a lyric........Music in general can become a cruel enemy....It takes time...to be able to go back to even having the radio on when driving down the road.

   So, I didn't go there.

 Yesterday, I did.

Blessed be Your name

In the land that is plentiful

Where your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name

When I'm found in a desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll

Turn back to praise

And when the darkness closes in Lord,

Still I will say,

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your Glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's "all as it should be"

Blessed be Your name

and Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with Suffering.

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, Blessed be Your Name

You give and take away

You give and take away

Blessed be Your Name

I went to the park when I got back into town and just sat there, in the car. So peaceful. Kids playing, laughter in the air, people fishing and walking, pushing strollers, people running, a dog jumping in the water, birds singing, squirrels darting around. The sun is shining, the air clean, crisp. A great day.  Right?

"Pre-accident"

It is days like yesterday, that take me back to May 5-6, 2010.

You were coming home. Big plans had been made. Mother's Day weekend. Turkey hunt. BBQ with all your friends. You see, when one of the kids was coming home, that took precedence. This house is known for "get togethers with friends". That's just how it was here.

You were so excited. Couldn't wait to get it all started. Your first stop was to go to Columbia and meet up with your big sister Brittany. Stay over night in Columbia with her. This was Wednesday, May 5th, 2010. You were even going to come to my work place and we would have lunch together. Talk. Catch up. Wow, I loved those days.

So, Brittany, who attended MU at the time, was going to take her little bro out on the town. You two always had a special bond, and always got along so well together. I was always so proud of that. She took you out to Whiskey Wild, you danced with, according to Brit, a lot of girls! I can just imagine that picture in my head! ( For those of you who have seen Waylon dance, you know what I mean!) You rode the mechanical bull. And you met a girl named Cassie, Brit's roommate. You must have hit it off with her because later you told me you were taking her out on Mother's Day for lunch, to the Olive Garden. Ok, I thought, even though it Mother's Day, I was actually so happy for you. I knew you were over-coming some personal struggles, and I knew you needed this. You told me, "Mom I'm going to make you a cheesecake for Mother's Day." Ok, see, he was still thinking of his Mom. After Whiskey Wild, Brit and her friends, Cassie, Jennifer and Heather then went with you to the Waffle House, at like 2:00 am! This was not anything unusual for you. You had told me about midnight runs to St Joseph Mo, from Maryville with your friends. Just to go to the Waffle house and eat. Brittany said, "you had a good time." She also mentioned that while you were at Whiskey Wild, dancing the night away, the staff had put 2 M's on your hands for, "Minor". She said you were running around flipping one hand so that it read, "WM", for your initials. I can just picture that! Later, after your 2:00 am run to the Waffle House, she said you and Cassie stayed up and watched a movie. All of this was just normal activity for you. As a 19 year old teenager, you had the energy. You would go and go and go. I would think of you as the energizer bunny. Once in a while you would crash, sleep for the longest time ever, and be fully re-charged. This is what we were used to. Nothing out of the ordinary. Brit said the next morning she was rushing out the door at 8:00 am for work. The only thought she had, was she wished she had stayed up and watched that movie with you and Cassie. She later told me, "Waylon said he would see you this weekend."

That next day was Thursday May 6th, 2010. Waylon and I were going to meet for lunch, but I got to busy at work. And I never got that talk, the one where we were going to catch up. Ya, that one. Oh, there's lots of that, post-accident regrets. Our lunch date didn't happen. But looking back, he did have lunch, I believe with one of his best friends, Justin. I am glad of that. I wish I could say I knew every step he took that day, but my account is written down as this.

I know I was late getting home. Work......kept me from time with my son and a lunch date with him. Not even going there right now with that. I had stopped at the store to get you some chocolate milk and your cereal for in the morning. Oh, and BBQ sauce and seasoning, for the big night you had planned. I remember being agitated at myself, I was in a hurry to get home to see you and spend time with you and everyone else. I didn't want to be at the store, I wanted to be home. I was standing at the meat dept, and decided, heck with this, I am going home. You and your dad could go to the store tomorrow after the Big Turkey Hunt. You could pick out your own stuff. Dad had taken the day off to be with you and go out and shoot the lucky turkey of the day! You always had a way of hunting, that was unlike any others. When I finally got home, here you came. Bouncing over to the van. Happy, smiling, in a great mood, your were on top of the world! You had on your Vibrams, "Hey mom," We hug, I can still feel that hug, "Hey Way", I noticed right away your mood. It was calming and re-assuring. It was like sitting at the park as I described earlier, all was good. Cherry, light, crisp and clean. You helped me carry in the groceries. You were talking 90 miles a minute. Telling me of the events last night, meeting Cassie, you were taking her out, and showing me your Vibrams. "Hey mom, you should really get a pair,". I said I would. You showed me how you could move your pinkie toe, away from your foot, because of the muscles that build up with those shoes. I thought that was so cool. Then I remember just looking at Waylon. He was in great shape. Thin, a runners body, all muscle. There could not have been an ounce a fat on him. I thought, wow, what an awesome son. I remember, I felt so blessed. My children were all going to be home for Mother's Day. I just had to get through work on Friday, and then the weekend could start.

Blessed be His name. That was a day I would have been shouting. Blessed be His name.

He gives and takes away

He gives and takes away

Again, I want those out there who are reading to understand, I don't claim to be a writer, an English major, a psychologist, or anything thing else like that. Any references I use, I usually describe at the time. I have an open Bible, my notes that I started writing, post-accident, spell check, if it's turned on, my cell phone, and an open, wounded, grieving heart. This is all from me, unedited, raw and honestly written to the best of my ability. My accounts, dedicated to my son, Waylon Michael Martensen.