Friday, May 7th, 2010

Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you;

That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance and spaces between us;

You have come to show you go on.

Near, Far, wherever you are........

Waylon loved the movie Titanic

The year it came out, I must have taken him 4 or 5 times....

He loved it, The music really made an impact on him, and  he learned a song that we have recorded.....and I will post that someday......It is so sweet!

May 4th, 2012

Waylon, I have so many memories of you to share....

But.....today is a very difficult day...

I can barely breathe, my chest hurts, my hands are numb, my ears are ringing and I feel nauseated.....

I am so tired, but I can't sleep....I know it was the 7th that you went home to be with the Lord....I was expecting to feel this on Monday......But...it was a Friday......and somehow....your body just knows....it just senses the time........and........It started yesterday....(May 3rd, 2012)  Your body just has this internal clock.  It knows......

I would just break out into uncontrollable sobs....I was looking frantically for something......that I couldn't ever find.....

Dad was out of town.....I was here alone......I tried to find you......

Then Wyatt came home, after school, and gave me the biggest hug ever, lifted me up off the floor......

and I felt comfort.....

I felt some peace.....

and I know I felt some of you in that hug....

I felt some of you.....

And I was able to make it through the day alittle better......

And now it's today.......

and it starts all over again....

I'm looking at my notes from 2 years ago.....We were in shock...
(and we would be in shock for a long time to come.)

I know those that were with us at the hospital had started making phone  calls.....and with the technology out there....it didn't take long for people to know.........that a great person was no longer here with us......

I wrote, in my notes,  "I don't remember much"....because I don't....and I don't remember much about this time last year....and I really don't remember much about the last two years.......

All I do know, is we try to make it through the best way we can, every day, since we last saw you here with us.....It's hard to describe to those who "don't know" the power of the loss of a child.  Nothing is the same.......You lose track of time, it's a blur, and you lose the ability to even function "normally" at times....I have written down notes that, I don't even remember writing....if I didn't see it in my own handwriting....I would not believe it was my thoughts.....because I don't remember even thinking some of these thoughts...

"Post-Accident"

The phone never stopped ringing, friends and family and our church family came by...I kept a list for a while....I tried to catch all the details...so I could thank everyone....It was very important to me, I wanted to make sure I "thanked" those people who were there, called, stopped in, helped, offered condolences, helped with planning and details......I know there are pieces of the funeral and visitation that happened not because of your dad and I, but because people assisted in so many ways....
I couldn't list all the names, and plans made because people cared....

Somehow, your Dad was so strong.....I don't know how....

He talked with people as they came by, took phone calls, made phone calls, took notes,  started some of the planning....

yes, the planning.....see.....everything just keept going.....it never slowed down, it never gave us time to even catch our breath...didn't give us time to even figure out or try to understand, "what had happened",

That, we would learn, takes time, lots of time......

I would have sworn my heart had stopped....but I could hear it swishing in my head....I was numb....

A group of Wyatt's friends came over.....brought me flowers....I was honestly overwhelmed....I didn't think I had any feelings left, until I saw these young men, here in the house, crying.....Wilson.....he was devastated......they all were...they looked up to you Waylon......so many kids did.......

I hope you know that.....I pray that just maybe....you knew what an impact you had on those younger generations.....

It was heartbreaking to see them,

Somehow, Brittany was holding it together...She was right there with Brad and they were willing to do whatever needed to be done......But I knew, hers would come later, when she and Brad were alone....and he could be there for her....She was deeply, hurt, devastated, and in shock.....she had just seen you.....spent a great evening with you......made those memories with her brother...

We keep Roz busy with friends, I was so worried about her.....I know we could not have made it through those days without our friends and family........Kelly, Adrienne, and the girls.....
Could not have made it without the support and help and prayers of our friends...

Rachel helped us so much.....the organizer....but we were all devastated Waylon.....in shock.....hurting...desperately trying to understand what had just happened.........

Poor Wyatt, he wanted to do something very special for you at the "funeral".  I don't know how, but he and your dad would perform an amazing song for you, so touching.....

"The Dance".

I have to go now Waylon.....but I have so much more to share ...funny stories that will make people laugh...

pictures and videos.....

Bret just texted me the other day...

"Sure was a one of a kind Laugh!"

I miss you Waylon......I miss your laugh!

We all do....