Romans 8:28, May 7th, 2010.

Waylon

Waylon and Derek

and the

"Vibrams".



                                          Romans 8: 28-30

And we know that in all things God

 works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified; he also glorified.

May 11th 2010

As I sat at the funeral of our son, Waylon, I tried to take notes, because I knew at some point I would go back to that day, and try to understand, try to find the reason, try to not ask God, over and over again, "Why?".  I knew I would look for the answers to a question, forever, if that's how long it took, until I was satisfied, until I could digest the outcome of one moment in time, that changed us all.

I heard, "His life was complete."

"God Honored Waylon, In his death, He took him quickly."

May 6th, 2010.

I start going over the days events, something that I would do for a very long time to come, and everything was so normal.  You were just right there, in the house, smiling, happy......talking of the BBQ, friends, the turkey hunt, showing off your Vibrams....You gave me a hug......(I love to hug my  children, I love the feeling it brings to me)  you were laughing, that infectious laugh you have, telling your stories to Dad and Wyatt, showing Roz how to run.....

At some point, I think on the way to Columbia,

I call Brittany.....Go meet your brother, they are flying him up to the hospital in Columbia now....He was in a car accident.....Yes, he's on his way.....is she alone?  No, Brad is there with her.....Good......It would not have been good for her to be alone....(She hates hospitals anyway)...looking back, I realize how hard this must have been on her.....

I think at this point, I realize it's not good, it's going to hurt and the outcome......I could not even have imagined....Ever.

I was still breathing, because my chest hurt every time I tried to take a breath, the drive to the hospital was excruciating.  My hands and feet were tingling all the way to the hospital.

I look at your dad, He seems ok, I mean, he's driving the van...But I know, he is feeling every single emotion I am....If not more somehow....He is concentrating very hard.....He would have to be...

I look Wyatt.....and I kept looking at him....what was he thinking?  He was quiet.....

Roz...she's behind me...it was hard to see her, but I know she's there,

During this drive, phone calls somehow, had started...technology spreads the word...I know prayers are already being sent up....There's facebook....and cell phones...it doesn't take long..

We get to the hospital, you are already there...they are trying to fix you Waylon.....

What they don't know,  is that you are already "perfect".  You're complete, your mind, soul, spirit, is already so perfect...

You and God both knew, I would have to see you at the hospital, Dad and I both needed that time at the hospital to be with you...

Rachel is there, Brittany and Brad, Chuelo...we sit and wait to go see you...your in surgery...time is scary.....I feel sick...I want to scream....I get sick....when I come out of the bathroom...they are moving us to another waiting room...another wait....

More family show up and are on the way, Rick and Valerie, Marcia and Bri, Morgan and Brian, Ian and Justin, his mom, Ben....phone calls, prayers and messages....

I think at some point a physician does come out and talk to us, they pull us into a room, He's looking at me, trying to prepare me, this is the point that I know a part of my heart dies......

It's not good, to many things wrong, tried to stop the bleeding...kidney just gone....not breathing on his own....Wait....I'm a nurse...I know there are things you can do....His eyes are trying to speak some unspoken language to me I know....I reject it.....He finally says....We had to staple his head shut, to try and stop the swelling...

I know a part of me died...

Was he in pain...please don't let him suffer...I know I asked this question a thousand times...No, he never regained consciousness...

Rex looks at me, takes my hands, tears are running down his pain stricken  face, "Cindy, we are about to lose our son."

God please no, don't let this happen, Why...God......Why..

Don't take our Waylon....

They finally come to get us......I'm not prepared for what I see, how would you be, None of us were......

(Waylon, I'm having trouble, this is harder than I thought,

I'm trying to type from my notes...I can hardly read the page..)

You were laying there, so peacefully.  I held your hand, kissed you, and wiped the blood off your face, around your nose and eye...I tried not to look at the cuts, abrasions, blood, tubes, I peeked under the sheet at the dressing on your abdomen, They opened you up from the front, near the left side, this seemed odd to me, there was a big dressing there, they said your right kidney,

I noticed right away though, Your beautiful tattoo, was

untouched.

You had a chest tube, fluids infusing and you were on the ventilator.  This was hard for me, being a nurse, I wanted to take over, make sure we didn't miss something, did they have all the right gtts infusing?  All the right medications you needed?

 

But, I had to focus on you...and what little time I might have left with you...

Towels covered your head, except for your perfect beautiful face...

You had a strong heartbeat.....a runners heart.....

As a parent, even looking back, this is undescribable and exhausting..I had never experienced anything like this before...I know Rex had not either..Looking at my notes...I just wanted to fix Waylon and take him back home...

Happy, smiling and laughing

We gathered around Waylon, and we prayed...all of us...

I didn't want Waylon to hurt...The Doctors spoke to Rex...I knew it was time....They were just going to put you on oxygen and not have the machine breathe for you...Your heart rate was already dropping.......along with mine and I'm sure everyone's in the room.....I knew you were going...Oh God this hurts...

Can I please have some more time?

Please, don't go....please....

03:58 AM, Friday May 7th, 2010. 

You went home.

I'll never forget how you looked.  (It was not the same as I had seen you on Thursday evening, What happened buddy?  You always have your seat belt on?)

We spent time with you.....they turned off the heart monitor...your heart would be the last to stop beating...I could not watch the slow agonal rhythm.....you were not breathing....

It was quiet....

Dad and I got to be with you, alone....he probably had to pull me away...someone started sobbing......I think it was me....shhh, don't make to much noise Cindy....there are others.....I don't know how he stayed so strong.........

They hand us a bag...with all that's left from that night.....one little bag of belongings.......

wait.........his Vibrams.....he had on his Vibrams......where are they?

Dad tries to tell me, there gone, probably thrown away when he got to the hospital.....

NO......I want his Vibrams...

Then a tall young thin guy says.....Hey, "I think I saw those.....I'll go look for em."

After a long wait....he comes back........

and he hands me Waylon's Vibrams.....

with just a few drops of dried blood on them.....