When I see it in Stone

Waylon

Weatherman said it's gonna snow

by now I should be used to the cold

Mid-February shouldn't be so scary

It was only December

I still remember the presents

The tree, you and me

But you went away How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be ok

But I'm not going to ever get over you

Living alone here in this place

I think of you and I'm not afraid

Your favorite records make me

feel better

'Cause you sing along with every song

I know you didn't mean to give them

to me

But you went away, How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be ok

But I'm not going to ever get over you

It really sinks in, you know,

when I see it in stone

'Cause you went away, How dare you?

I miss you

They say I'll be ok

But I'm not going to ever get over you

Over You

Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton

This song touches me and I wanted to share what is written and sung so

exceptionally.

This past week, has felt more excruciatingly painful than I can remember in the past.

I don't really know how to explain it.  They say there are "5 steps to grieving with the loss of a loved one".  Only 5, really!  Amazing how people come up with this......

I told you already, I am not a counselor or professional psychologist.....I am a grieving mother.....and for the most part......I feel I am weak and "not coping well".....

When I look at these "5" stages....Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.....

I can see now, after 2 years, where I have maybe been in and out of some of these areas,

Depression, hit me hard, and most likely because I suffered with depression, "pre-accident".  I am not using this as an excuse for anything.....only that it is what I live with...and try to deal with....

I mentioned early in a blog, I have had several friends tell me, not everyone goes through these "stages" the same, at the same time and in the same order....and I believe, you can be in one or two at the same time.....Just my opinion.....And........

I believe that with all my heart....

We are all different...

and yet we are the same....

Grieving is hurt.....

we all hurt.

We just hurt in different ways, and then we deal with that hurt individually...

When I first heard this song....it really hit home with me.....you see.......When I see It In Stone......then I know it is for real...it happened....I tried for the first year to go back and change one moment in time, to change just one minute, to make the outcome different, so Waylon would still be here with us all.

I am selfish for that I know.....And I ask God for forgiveness....because....as much as I miss Waylon......I know I should not ask for him back.......

but I have.......

Everyday I woke up, I was one day away from making that happen......

What stage is that?  Bargaining, I don't know....

Not acceptance....

Sometime after the first year, I realized, I couldn't go back, ever.....

It hurt.....

We still haven't completed Waylon's monument....I know alot of people ask why.....And when I heard this song....I knew.

Because When I see It In Stone....

It is permanent....it's real, this is where he is resting...

this is Waylon's final spot on Earth.....with us....

And that is something....I have not come to grips with yet...

We are closer.....We only need one more item to complete the task....and Rex is working on that.......

and then

"It will be written in stone."

Will we be healed?  No.  But, I guess we will move on to another stage.....

All I know, is that no matter what "stage" I am in, or going through, or have been in.......It doesn't make it any easier.....

Again.....I think we just learn to "Cope" better, after or during, a "stage of grief".

I don't know if this has helped anyone, or made it easier to understand what goes on in the mind of a grieving "mother".  Or if anyone else can even relate to this somehow.......

The hurt....never ends.....the feeling of loss....the wounded heart.....

it never ends....it will continue until the day my own heart stops beating........

That's just how it is when you lose someone you love...

that's just how it is for a "mom".

and that's how it is for me.......

Missing my son.